A lorry carrying blue paint crashed into a lorry carrying red paint on the
M4 today. Both drivers were said to be marooned…

And another:

Thieves broke into Hackney Police Station last night and stole all the toilets. A spokesman for the Met said they had nothing to go on…

A third:

A planeload of spittle has crashed into the sea off the west coast of Africa. Reporters at the scene said there were no salivas…

One more?

‘Have you heard the one about the retired general who said he had not had sex since 1956? His friend said, ‘That’s a long time ago.’I don’t know, ‘the general replied.’ It’s only 20.27 now.’

And finally…

‘Following the dispute with the domestic servants’ union at Buckingham Palace today, the Queen, a radiant figure in a white silk gown and crimson robe, swept down the main staircase and through the hall. She then dusted the cloakroom and vacuumed the lounge.’

It’s good night from me!

Good weekend to all.
Matt

Quick post to notify you of today’s selections, subject to the odds criteria outlined yesterday:

Here we are again, dear reader, staring down the barrel of the weekend. And, ffor a change, this Ffriday’s post is sponsored by Royston Ffrench, a jockey who I’ve always loved, and who I believe is riding brilliantly at the moment.

Royston ffirst came to prominence ffor me in the 1996 season, when he was riding as an apprentice at Luca Cumani’s stable.

He’s one of those jockeys who really never gives a horse a chance to dog it in, and sealed his place in my affffffections with a win on Arcady in the last race on Brigadier Gerard Stakes night at Sandown back in 1997 (I know, I know, I don’t look old enough..!).

Although a potless student at the time, I was doing my brains in, and was relying on Royston ffor my train fffare home. He didn’t let me down, and cajoled the recalcitrant Arcady to a head verdict, with only a neck back to the third. He’s rarely let me down since.

On to today’s ffare, and we’ll start with a review of yesterday’s Easy Laying System selections. These were as ffollows:

*Warw 15.50 – Squifffffy* WON 7/1
*Warw 16.20 – Ffeeling Wonderfful* LOST
*Warw 16.50 – Snake Hips* LOST
Warw 16.50 – English Archer DNQ
Warw 16.50 – Hopefful Isabella LOST
Warw 17.20 – Bournonville DNQ

Overall, then, I made it six losers and a 7/1 winner. Applying the usual 5% commission on winning trades and 16% over SP on payouts (and starting with a ffictional £400 bank, risking a rolling 5% or £20 starting stake on each), the scores on the doors after day one are as ffollows:

£400 to £322.

Today’s selections to ffollow later.

On the backing ffront, they race today at Ffolkestone but I can’t ffind any to back. I just wanted to write Ffolkestone. Sorry.

However, elsewhere, there’s plenty catch my eye.

At Newcastle, on soft ground, low numbers have an abominable record on the straight course - avoid them like the plague. Only eight horses drawn in the lowest quintile have won out of 120 starters, ffor a level stakes loss of 88.44 points since 2000. You could just lay everything drawn in the bottom 20%, but I prefer to use this stat to ffind winners today.

Middle to high are ffavoured on the straight course (seven ffurlongs and shorter races). What is VERY interesting is that Racing Post Postdata suggest that low are strongly fffavoured, and that high draw is a negative.

I suspect they don’t take account of going conditions, and by the close of play one of us will be right and one will have egg on fface. I’m going to stick with the big numbers, in the hope that we get some value opposing a consensus view.

The Gosfffforth Cup is the big race of the night, and not ffor nothing do the bookies go 6/1 the ffield… Let’s have a crack at it anyway!

Caribbean Coral won this race in 2004 on soft ground ffrom a middle draw and has box 14 today. He is one of my three off the tee.

I’ll reinffforce him with Orientor, who loves the mud and - I think - is well berthed in 12. Slight reservation about the jockey booking and the horse’s longevity in the tooth, but nevertheless he makes my punting triumvirate ffor the race.

My third prong is the best drawn (I believe) in the race, Mecca’s Mate. She’s a fffive fffurlong soffft ground specialist, with the pick of the traps and, if she doesn’t blow it at the start, she’ll have a fffine chance.

Elsewhere, David Elsworth has a strong hand at Newmarket tonight, and I especially like his Pathos in the 7.35 (kiss of death ffor that one!).

Fffinally, at Market Rasen, my propensity to try to get a short one beaten leads me to laying Itsmyboy in the three runner novices’ chase. My only salvation is that I laid it last night at 4/9 (1.44) and its now trading around 8/13 (1.64), so at least I got the value.

Given that this is Royston Ffrench Ffriday, it would be rude not to nominate the boy ffor a race today, and Dorn Dancer may be his best chance of a winner. She is a 6 ffurlong soft ground specialist, and again is drawn high so, if that’s a plus, she must go close. Go on Royston the Boyston! (as we used to shout…)

Back later with Ffriday Ffun and the Easy Laying System selections.

Matt